OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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