4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
