I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
