you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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