hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
