this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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