wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
