Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
