What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
