she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't deserve a penis
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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