he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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