the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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