it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
