that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
