And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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