Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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