My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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