so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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