Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
