I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
