Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
