in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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