are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
