I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
