There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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