I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you traded sex for a burrito?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My ass is underappreciated
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
