Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
