he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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