Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
