i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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