Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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