Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
