We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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