i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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