I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
