i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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