Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
