And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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