I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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