yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
