my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the raccoons are back...
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