woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
