College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
