right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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