I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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