i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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