well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
