i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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