My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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