I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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