he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
