no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize