I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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