Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
