i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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