The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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