I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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