there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
