Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have aggressive nipples.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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