mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I die, sorry about rent.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
