whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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