I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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