R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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