I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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