Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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