i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
